Have you ever had a moment where things just click in your head? Everything makes sense. Most of the time for me it’s how the world of technology actually works. Or in the kitchen when I’m making dinner and deciding how long the meat needs to go in before I start the veggies and BAM I finally get dinner done all at the same time. Or when we get out the door in time and it clicks that gosh I should try that more often — because I very rarely get anywhere on time. But tonight while I was deep into the song “Blessed Assurance,” rocking my baby girl to sleep things overwhelmingly just clicked.
Many of you know my road to getting to where I am now has been vigorously blessed. There are rarely days that pass that I don’t grasp this sometimes, but not always, simple idea. But tonight it seemed like it hit me upside the head and said ‘Steph, shake it off, every step in life you’ve taken whether willingly or not so, has been for perfect reason.’ WHOA. Perfect reason you say? Well yes actually… absolutely perfect reason.
As I was rocking my sweet E, she went from gently caressing my face to tracing the scar that lines the middle of my chest. She finds it often but today it hit me harder than usual. I sprung tears as I realized the reason this little girl is even a part of my life is because of that scar. *Deep breath* The ultimate truth that God knocks into me often is that our lives are perfectly planned and every detail has reason. Nineteen years ago I had no idea I’d be “Mommy” to the most beautiful and sweetest little girl. Nineteen years ago I wasn’t expected to live another nineteen years. At first I was given just five to ten years of near healthy living. Another overwhelming “click.” I’ve been living ten+ years longer than I ever should have with the heart I carry now. Holy Moly. All to think that it was always part of my plan, so that I could rock my baby girl to sleep tonight while she’d find the scar that shows where my life was started once again.
It hasn’t always been easy. Even as I write tonight, I struggle with being a transplant recipient. The life of medicines and tests and all things that accompany isn’t all that fun…. but you can bet I’d do it all over again for the chance to meet my Sweet E. As I look forward, it’s my greatest hope that things happening now will bestow with it more time as I watch my little girl grow. And if it doesn’t you ask? Oh man, the thought is gut wrenching, but just as much the thought gives me peace. I have loved and been loved in the biggest of ways. I found a faith that comforts me when nothing else can. I have the absolute best family,who will give anything to see me and mine happy. I have lived life well… and you better be sure that I will continue that way until the plan for life hits it’s end. Until the final word of the last sentence of the very last chapter of my book.
To live well because our life is simply a gift is a concept we all need to embellish upon. The day we were born was not a coincidence and neither is every day we live. Let that click.
Until We meet again,
These are older pictures but I love them none-the-less. 🙂